What I Taught Myself....October 26, 2010

What's the deal with people suing others?  Seriously.  A person slips on ice, they sue someone.  A person burns themselves with coffee, they sue someone.  And they WIN!  All because they're using the justice system.

Yet its not just the suing.  Its the fact that you have to watch what you say.  What you post on Facebook, because you might tarnish a persons image or be accused of slander. 

But how about the classic compliment of a woman's blouse or hair?  A man could get in heat of trouble by thinking he is giving a compliment.  A woman might sue because it might be considered sexual harassment. 

I, for one, have found a way out of this situation:  I don't compliment women.  I don't want to risk being classified as a pervert.  Even if a woman is dressed in the most elegant gown for a grand ball, with her face painted and hair done, I won't compliment her.  Because under that makeup, she might be a woman waiting to issue a subpoena.  

Did I mention this blog is full of lies?

Thats it for me!

Bobby P.

Shout out to Bill!

What I Taught Myself....October 21, 2010

So I'm probably one of the most open people.  I tell every one everything about me.  No secrets from this guy.  You wanna know something, you'll find out.  From sleeping habits to hygiene, I'll let you know.  But to me, its surprising how people must keep some things hidden.

Like farting.

Every one farts!  Its a fact of life.  You either burp or you fart.  Me?  Well, I sure as hell don't burp.  I haven't belched since I was 6 years old.

But in other countries, its a compliment if one farts at the table during a meal.  Its customary to fart on the streets, in a cab, or even on elevators.  You could get thrown in prison or beheaded if you don't fart in front of royalty (don't take my word for it).

So why is farting such a insult in America?  Is it because of the stench?  Is our society so obsessed with dousing ourselves with colognes, perfumes, and deodorants that we've decided that anything that comes close to smelling bad an insult?  Especially when the average smell of a fart lasts for less than a minute.

But like I was saying before, people have to hide their farts.  Squeezing their cheeks together to make it more silent.  Crop dusting across a room so no one knows whom to blame for the foul smell.

I believe its time for Americans to open up about their flatulence and just let it go.  Its only going to be embarrassing for a little while.  Fart away my friends!

Thats it for me!
Bobby P.

Shout out to Bill!

What I Taught Myself....October 19, 2010

Well, it has been a week since I've written anything on here.  Not much has really been going on the past week, so thats probably why I haven't posted anything.

Today I caught myself talking to the family dog, Murphy.  And it got me wondering:  is it really normally, from a psychological standpoint, for a person to talk to their dog.  Yes, like some people, I do have regular conversations with myself, but thats only because people don't care for the topics that I'm interested in.  They always try to steer clear from topics of why cottage cheese isn't as curdy as it once was, how M&M's no longer have the brown color in a regular snack package, that pet food companies don't make mouse flavored cat food, or how much loose change the average American loses in their lifetime (think about it).

Instead, people want to know "how classes are going?" or "how's work?" or "have you gotten rid of that Malibu yet?".  I get bored with the same old conversations.  If I really wanted to talk about the same old crap, I would wear a sign that says "I'm failing class, work is work, and no I don't plan to get rid of the Malibu until its paid off!" <--(only one of those is true)

But thats why there is Murphy.  The poor lil guy that lays on the couch barks at the same two slutty neighborhood girls that walk by.  One thing is for sure, he isn't shy!

Shout out to Bill K!

Thats it for me!
Bobby P.

What I Taught Myself....October 12, 2010

Today I went to Jake's Place in Plymouth with the parentals.  Jake's Place THE finest restaurant in Plymouth.  I've tried quite a bit of the options on the menu.  The best sandwich you can get is probably the french dip or the Jake Burger.  If you try the Guinea Grinder, you'll have gas for the rest of the night.  Dad and Ma can vouch for me.

Anyway, while we were up there, I saw one of the lunch ladies from my elementary school.  And the visit just brought back a rush of memories for me.  And it also made me think....the lunch lady.  How we (as elementary and high school students) neglect the lunch lady.  Everyday, they go into work at 4 or 5 in the morning, take a box full of (government regulated) food, and serve it to hundreds of starving children.  Yet, they don't complain and at the same time watch children blossom into working adults whose tax dollars pay for that very box of food!

But Mavis was more than just a lunch lady.  She was very caring and considerate.  Like a grandmother-figure.  And to this very day, I still get chills thinking about how she would yell "ROBERT! YOUR TOAST IS READY!"

Shout out to Bill K!

Thats it for me!
Bobby P.

What I Taught Myself....October 6, 2010

Hello to all on this delightful evening!

So I want to talk about something that is near and dear to my heart: wishing people good morning.

I'm not a strict morning person.  On days off, I normally wake up around 8:00 whereas my father gets up at 5:30.  Every day.  No matter what.  But when I have to wake up at 6 or 6:30, my old man is always in a cheerful mood and greets me in a cheesy, yet "caring" way: "GOOD MORNING SON!!!"

After I take my shower and eat my Cap'n Crunch Berries, I, too, get in that cheerful mood that, apparently, is hereditary.  Then I head off to wherever I have to go and do my thing.  And this is where I have noticed that not every one cares about the greeting as much as my dad and I do.

At work, for example, I wish EVERY ONE a good morning.  Not just once, but possible numerous times. Yet every one else feels that they have a fixed inventory on the number of times they can greet others a good morning, as if they are saving them for the great depression where a "good" morning wouldn't fit the mood.

So, please, wish people a good morning!   Use the phrase and share your cheerfulness with others.  You can't save the greeting for later!  You MUST use it!  GOOD MORNING!!!!!

A shout out to Bill K!

Thats it for me!
Bobby P

What I Taught Myself....October 4, 2010

Hello to all!  Hope your October is going well so far.


Yesterday I reset my Lego collection.  I have two sets of metal shelves that hold all of my Legos.  After resetting it I realized that I don't have room for all of them.  So either I have to stop purchasing Legos or invest in another set of shelves.  Of course I'm going to get more shelves (DUH!).  What is really funny is that my collection is in the "guest bedroom" also known as where my brother and sister-in-law sleep when they visit.  They should really be honored to sleep with such a collection.  Plus my 25 year old brother enjoys putting my figures in erotic positions (male on male or dog on male).  We all knew Legos were full of gays- why are there more men than women in the sets?  I once made a lesbian construction worker.  Its a very open and understanding community I've designed with the help of my brother.  Too bad the rest of the world can't be that way.

Shout out to Bill Kingston!


Thats it for me!
Bobby P.