What I Taught Myself....November 30, 2010

I had a nice relaxing day at home today.  It was just what I needed after having family over to distract me from my normal routine, which involves watching Price Is Right.

Now I love Drew Carey.  A lot of people say "He's not Bob Barker!"  Duh!  If he was Bob Barker, there wouldn't have been a big hoop-lah about Bob Barker's retirement.  And in case you were wondering, he's also not Bobby P.

But I discovered today that I can determine who the winner of the showcases even before the showcase showdown even happened.  When it comes down to the two contestants, its always the one that I think is the most attractive.  Like today it was Alyssa.  I knew when she was at contestants row, that she was gonna be the winner.  And today she won a boat.  Therefore, if you're ugly, you won't win.  But if I was on there though, its in the bag (also a name of a TPIR game).

Last night I had class.  We normally get out of my last class at about 10:00.  At the beginning of class the teacher said that he'd dismiss us early because the weather was iffy.  We got out at 9:55.

That's it for me!
Bobby P.

Shout out to my followers in Ukraine!  and Bill K!

What I Taught Myself...November 27, 2010

Its almost December.  You're probably thinking "No shit, Sherlock".  Well I just wanted you to know.

But I love December.  One of the reasons is that this is the second year that I've received a Lego countdown.  Now you're probably thinking "Not another post about Legos!"

Well lucky for you this is all I have taught myself in the past week.

Thats it for me!
Bobby P.

Shout out to Bill K!

What I Taught Myself...November 20, 2010

There has been a lot of complaining by Americans lately.  Surprised?  Ya, neither am I.

But the biggest complaint lately has been these so-called "Body Scanners" that have been installed in American Airports.  Unfortunately, the Mason City Municipal Airport will not participate in this call of security.  I guess they trust all twelve people who travel out of there.

Apparently the issue for many Americans is that the body scanners are an "invasion of privacy" and will "show my junk".  Raise your hand if you've ever seen a penis and/or breast/vagina!  Okay, hands down.  About 99% of you have.  The 1% that hasn't must have lost their penis/breast/vagina in a crazy hatchet-juggling accident or must not have showered in high school after P.E. (cough Chris More).  But thats what the high school locker room is- a giant body scanner.  If your smart, you'll get in and get out before they know how big your penis is.

Now you're probably saying "Bob, what if I don't want to be in the body scanner."  Well then, they're gonna frisk you.   Now you're even gayer than the guy who stayed in the shower in high school because he LIKED being in there.  Sorry to tell you, but the guy frisking you isn't gay

Now the ladies are probably asking "What about us?  What do we do at security?"  Sorry.  If you don't wanna go through the body scanner or be frisked, you should think about traveling by car.  With body scanners showing your breasts and the guards being straight men and lesbian ladies, you're just asking to be gawked at.

"But Bob, do you have a solution so we don't have to go through body scanners?"  Well yeah of course I do.  The best solution is for everyone to wear nothing but government-issued trash bags.  But without the yellow straps.  Thats just asking for a terrorist plot!

That's it for me!
Bobby P.

Shout out to Bill K!

What I Taught Myself....November 11, 2010

I'm in my senior year of college and I've learned a lot throughout my four years.  But also, I have had to attend class with a number of strange students.  Yes, I Bobby P. have had even stranger students than myself in classes.  But it happens when you attend a community college.

For those of you that may not have encountered such crazies, I thought I'd make a guide for current, future, and former college students.

So here goes:

Bobby P.'s What I Taught Myself... presents

Guide to College Students

We'll start of with the basic ones and work our way up.

1. The Regular Student:  This student will show up at almost every class, if not all.  Takes notes when needed, do their share of group work, and hand in almost, if not all, assigned homework.
2. The Overachiever Student:  This student shows up to EVERY class.  Will do ALL group work him/herself, and hand in ALL assigned homework.
3. The Procrastinator: This student will do their homework, term paper, final exam, or presentation until the last minute.  Yet, still passes...
4. The Tardy/Skipper Genius: This student will be late or skip class yet pass all the exams, knows all the answers, yet doesn't read the book or take notes.
5. The Tardy/Skipper Dumbass: I encountered this one my first year in BV.  This student will skip or be late for class.  Then they will go up to the teacher and tell them "Can I leave?  I don't understand the material."  Unfortunately, you will have to work longer so this student can live off welfare checks, deal drugs, and sell their food stamps.
6. Teacher's Helper: This student will have had the teacher once before, so they'll be the "Teacher's Helper".  You'll know this when the teacher says "Mike will tell you that my exams are fair.".
7. Backrow Genius:  This student sits in the back.  He thinks he knows everything, but he'll end up dropping it by week two.
8. The Smoker:  This student will be antsy to get class over with so they can go smoke.  Also, if a class has a ten minute break, they will come back after half an hour, walk past closely to you so you can get a whiff of their poor habit.
9. The "Married" Couple:  These two students are dating or married.  They will fight with each other over everything.  They also will stand outside the room making out and arrive late smiling because she just gave him a handjob.
10. The Jokester:  This guy will laugh at everything.  They will think up the dumbest stories to tell the class, yet make the class interesting and fun.  Often gets the teacher off subject too.  You will notice when this student is absent.  *My favorite*
11. The Slut:  Regularly the best looking girl in class, watch out.  She's probably infected!
12. The Athlete:  Normally dressed in sweats, this student thinks they're better than every other student.  The only reason they're attending college is because of a scholarship.  Don't be threatened.  They'll be laid up by the age of 40.
13. The Loudmouth:  This student will not shut up.  You can't wait till this student IS absent, but they normally show up every time.
14. The F***ing Student:  This f****r will use f*** in every f*****g sentence.  You just f*****g want to tell the f****r to shut the f*** up or f*** off. F***!
15. The "I HAVE ONE" Student:  It's not what you think.  This student carries everything with them: Stapler, dry erase markers, even a three hole punch.  They do it just to suck up to the teacher.
16. The Noisemaker:  My least favorite.  This student will buy snacks such as chips, cookies, and soda then make noises by chewing loudly, then opening their soda very....very...very...slowly.
17. The "Ahem" or Cougher:  This student always has a tickle in their throat.  They try to clear their throat but rarely works.
18. The Mover:  This student will never stop moving around in their seat.  They'll try to stretch their legs, arms, and butt.
19. The Questioner- This student doesn't listen to the teacher since they're busy filling in their planner of the day's events.  Then once the teacher finishes what they say, the student will ask the teacher a question, which is the exact thing the teacher just finished saying.
20. The Middle Aged Woman:  This is our final student and probably the most annoying of all.  This student is the combination of the Loudmouth, Smoker, Overachiever and Teacher's Helper.  They do their best to impress the teacher (who most of the time younger than them).

Although its difficult to avoid all of these students, at least you're prepared when you encounter them.

That's it for me!

Bobby P.

Shout out to Bill K!

What I Taught Myself....November 7, 2010

Part of the reason I started a blog was to let people know the full story of my Facebook statuses.  I guess I better explain my current one...

Last night I received a life-changing email on Facebook.  I was informed that a relative of mine had passed away and that I was the closest-living relative of C.J. Peshak (whose wife and only child were killed in an automobile accident in Togo) and the official heir of $1.2 million!  That's right my friends, I, Bob Peshak,  am a MILLIONAIRE!

Had this email been true (which its not, my grand-daddy Lester Peshak is still alive and my father and his four siblings are also breathing), I got to thinking: what would I change if I WAS the heir of $1.2 million.  I would move out of Dad and Ma's house.  Maybe even walk into their places of employment and retire them (btw, Ma reads this blog and its almost Christmas).  Maybe I would move to a nice suburb of a large city.  Build my own house that has a large movie theater, a giant bubble bath, and in the entry way a large candy dispenser that's always filled with Puppy Chow!  I would love to go on another cruise and just relax on the deck of a large ship.   I might start a Bobby P. Scholarship Fund where the criteria is be 10th in the class, participate in theatre, and your favorite color MUST be green.  And, let's not forget, I would set $100,000 aside for a Lego budget.

But I'm not a millionaire.  So I won't be able to do much of those things.  I'm still the same ol' Bobby P.  But that might be a good thing.

That's it for me!

Bobby P.

Shout out to Bill K!

What I Taught Myself...November 3, 2010

Welcome to the month of November!!!  One of my favorite months of the year.

Today I had lunch with an old friend of mine, Chad Lockwood.  Lockwood, like me, is single, lives with his parents, and unemployed (which I'm not).  Anyway, we had lunch at McDonald's (I had two McRib sandwiches.  He had the fillet-o-fish) and had an interesting discussion.

We both watched Titanic on TBS last Saturday night and wondered: what would I do if I was on the sinking ship?  Seriously, what would you do if you were Jack or Rose?  The Titanic is sinking and you only have one hour to save yourself and your family.

Chad said that he would have grabbed a table or chair and hang sit on it and paddle (with the use of a broken off table leg) to safety.

What would I do?  Well, first off, grab the nude drawing of Rose (for financial reasons, perverts!) then wear every single piece of clothing I packed and just pray that I float. Plus, people wouldn't have been able to see that I pissed my pants.

Although I think it would have been a neat experience to ride on the Titanic, I just enjoy watching the sinking of the vessel in the comfort of my home!

Thats it for me!
Bobby P.

Shout out to Bill K.