What I Taught Myself....November 11, 2010

I'm in my senior year of college and I've learned a lot throughout my four years.  But also, I have had to attend class with a number of strange students.  Yes, I Bobby P. have had even stranger students than myself in classes.  But it happens when you attend a community college.

For those of you that may not have encountered such crazies, I thought I'd make a guide for current, future, and former college students.

So here goes:

Bobby P.'s What I Taught Myself... presents

Guide to College Students

We'll start of with the basic ones and work our way up.

1. The Regular Student:  This student will show up at almost every class, if not all.  Takes notes when needed, do their share of group work, and hand in almost, if not all, assigned homework.
2. The Overachiever Student:  This student shows up to EVERY class.  Will do ALL group work him/herself, and hand in ALL assigned homework.
3. The Procrastinator: This student will do their homework, term paper, final exam, or presentation until the last minute.  Yet, still passes...
4. The Tardy/Skipper Genius: This student will be late or skip class yet pass all the exams, knows all the answers, yet doesn't read the book or take notes.
5. The Tardy/Skipper Dumbass: I encountered this one my first year in BV.  This student will skip or be late for class.  Then they will go up to the teacher and tell them "Can I leave?  I don't understand the material."  Unfortunately, you will have to work longer so this student can live off welfare checks, deal drugs, and sell their food stamps.
6. Teacher's Helper: This student will have had the teacher once before, so they'll be the "Teacher's Helper".  You'll know this when the teacher says "Mike will tell you that my exams are fair.".
7. Backrow Genius:  This student sits in the back.  He thinks he knows everything, but he'll end up dropping it by week two.
8. The Smoker:  This student will be antsy to get class over with so they can go smoke.  Also, if a class has a ten minute break, they will come back after half an hour, walk past closely to you so you can get a whiff of their poor habit.
9. The "Married" Couple:  These two students are dating or married.  They will fight with each other over everything.  They also will stand outside the room making out and arrive late smiling because she just gave him a handjob.
10. The Jokester:  This guy will laugh at everything.  They will think up the dumbest stories to tell the class, yet make the class interesting and fun.  Often gets the teacher off subject too.  You will notice when this student is absent.  *My favorite*
11. The Slut:  Regularly the best looking girl in class, watch out.  She's probably infected!
12. The Athlete:  Normally dressed in sweats, this student thinks they're better than every other student.  The only reason they're attending college is because of a scholarship.  Don't be threatened.  They'll be laid up by the age of 40.
13. The Loudmouth:  This student will not shut up.  You can't wait till this student IS absent, but they normally show up every time.
14. The F***ing Student:  This f****r will use f*** in every f*****g sentence.  You just f*****g want to tell the f****r to shut the f*** up or f*** off. F***!
15. The "I HAVE ONE" Student:  It's not what you think.  This student carries everything with them: Stapler, dry erase markers, even a three hole punch.  They do it just to suck up to the teacher.
16. The Noisemaker:  My least favorite.  This student will buy snacks such as chips, cookies, and soda then make noises by chewing loudly, then opening their soda very....very...very...slowly.
17. The "Ahem" or Cougher:  This student always has a tickle in their throat.  They try to clear their throat but rarely works.
18. The Mover:  This student will never stop moving around in their seat.  They'll try to stretch their legs, arms, and butt.
19. The Questioner- This student doesn't listen to the teacher since they're busy filling in their planner of the day's events.  Then once the teacher finishes what they say, the student will ask the teacher a question, which is the exact thing the teacher just finished saying.
20. The Middle Aged Woman:  This is our final student and probably the most annoying of all.  This student is the combination of the Loudmouth, Smoker, Overachiever and Teacher's Helper.  They do their best to impress the teacher (who most of the time younger than them).

Although its difficult to avoid all of these students, at least you're prepared when you encounter them.

That's it for me!

Bobby P.

Shout out to Bill K!